I FINISHED!!!!!!!!!!

A heart as big as the Texas sky...
stretches for g-d knows how many miles, k"m, any measurement.

this heart is as big as the Canadian sky,
from British Columbia to Quebec...really far.
It stretches over India, and China, and all those huge places.

But what happens when your heart is as big as the Texas sky?
And in spreading your sunshine, you miss a spot?

What happens when your heart is as big as the Texas sky,
and wants to grow?
Texas is big, but only so big.

So what happens when it wants to grow,
and shine further, beyond the borders of Texas?
What if this heart wants to touch, just a finger in the pie,
but still shine on a piece of California?
Or even somewhere far in Asia?

What happens when this heart that is meant only for the Texas sky,
is only big enough ("only") to shine on Texas,
what happens when this heart wants to expand?

I'll tell you what happens:
the fabric of light coming from this shining heart, thins.
Like a bubble bath. When it's spread over a whole tub of water,
there are less bubbles to go around.
Whereas if just one end of the tub had bubbles, there would be a thick layer.

When a heart wants to reach beyond its limits, its capabilities,
(how can a heart give too much?)
Some of Texas is left in the dark.
Some of Texas, doesn't get enough light.
And everything needs light to grow.

Maybe all this is too obvious, too pitiful.
Who cares?
When making cookies with a cookie cutter that shapes them, you cut away the scraps.
This heart is a cookie cutter that wants to keep the scraps, and the shapes its made.

But then the shapes lose their beauty.
They lose their wonderful shape that the cookie cutter made them to be.
Not everything needs to be kept.
Not every state has to have Texas's sun.
The Texas sun only has to worry about Texas.
Not California, not Vermont, not India and not China.
Just Texas....

Too Close to the End

Next week, after the run-through I'll get that end-of-a-part-of-my-life/night-b4-flying-on-my-own nausea. It always happens. It's annoying because before it happens, I can anticipate it and know it will fine in the end, nothing to worry about, time to move on. But when it's happening it feels like the end of the world, this is it, it's all over. It's hard to keep looking forward. I can't believe this year is over. I can't say that enough. There were definitely downs, but so many ups, and changes. In the beginning of the year I felt like I couldn't have picked a more fitting thing for me to do with my first year out of school. Now that the year is over, I feel that so strongely and more so than then!
Oh, before I forget, why are Aliza and I the only ones blogging?
I can't wait to see all of you! Just over a week! So scary! I'm so excited! See everybody soon!

Very Close to the End

After yoga and burger's bar last night I walked to the Sultan's Pool where the art festival is. It was strangely moving to see the different art all these countries brought to show and sell (well, all but Turkey. They had orders from their gov't not to sell, just to show). People from all over the world were there. There were people from Thailand doing a dance like the one in Wonderman, the performance Danny Kaye does with his partner. Then there was the Israeli section. There was a graphologist who would tell you about yourself through your writing for 50 NIS. I bought a really nice wrap-around skirt from the India section. Came home, talked to DL, and then Sam came over to spend the night and help me fold...3 or 4 loads of laundry.
It's so scary! This year went by so much faster than any other in my life! It's really almost over! Five days left of work and then three of run-through with the new girls. AAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I really made it to the end!
It will be something to talk about at the Engels this shabbos. Wish me luck everybody!

Nearing the End

The week after Tisha B'av is my last week at work! I made it! I survived parts of the scum of Israel who will have you believe that I'm a terrible person for not giving someone cheese cake I didn't have to give!
For all those of you who want to know how the first meeting with DL went, fine:
No hugging, no kissing, no physical contact, big smiles, a myriad of repetitions of "Oh my gosh you're here!" "Oh my gosh, I'm here!"
Tonight after yoga we ate at Pizza Sab-wait, Batya, if you breathe a word of this to Shlez or Uri you are seriously dead and in deep doodoo. So we ate at Pizza Sababa and talked for awhile, and then waited for my bus to come and that was it, so far.
For those of you still thinking I was brainwashed into doing Bar Ilan, let me correct you. If saving Papa $35,000 by waiting a year for Findlay, and using that money to pay for a private room for 3 years, means that I get to go to Findlay without Ema and Papa fighting, then it's well worth it for me. Plus for $150 a month, a horse gets thrown in the deal, I can go riding whenever I want.
Think what you want, that I was talked into it, but accept it as my choice, my decision. If, for some reason, things don't work out with DL, I can frequent the Bachelorette Square on campus.