"Lonely, I'm Mr. Lonely"

Being Alone.
In a sense it's like being in a room, with no one else. Almost like an isolation/punishment cell in a prison. You only have yourself and your thoughts for company. It's not necessarily a bad thing, like it is in prison. Reflecting and thinking over your words and actions is good, healthy, necessary. But what happens when you do that too often or too much? It's like a cat that constantly licks the same spot until all the hairs are gone and all that's left is raw skin. When there should be hair. What if, by spending too much time alone, you reflect too much and the result is self doubt? I don't think that's my problem at all. But still, what if that is a result for others? I think for me, it's like how I feel after having been with Ema and Papa during a chag. a hole, a pit, in my chest. As time passes that hole heals like a scab. But when I'm alone, I suddenly feel it again. My eyes are suddenly forced down to my chest to look at this healing wound, the dry scab that used to be a painful pit in my chest that followed me everywhere, and let infection and dust get in, making my insides dirty, giving me thoughts about leaving the one place I want to live in.
What if, by constantly 'licking my fur' I peel away that scab (like I have with so many real ones) and reopen that wound? Self mutilation, masochism.
I am so plagued by so many 'what if's. But they're not like 'what if the sky should fall?', they're more what ifs that I know could happen, or that I have the power to cause. Maybe that's what scares me. The ability to make my own fears come true, myself.
With another person in the room, I'm distracted from this power that I have. I can focus on them instead of me, because the reality is, I think I have a thin layer of fur left before the raw skin is exposed...