מאפה נאמן

It was just the two of us, for about and hour and a half, Friday afternoon, not rushing anywhere, we sat together eating Shokolata, which is a round chocolate cake with soft, mushy bits in the middle, just talking, laughing at Papa's naughty, sadistic humour regarding the wedding. Getting emotional with him as he choked up over the invitation, the reality of it all hitting him smack in the face. It was just a good, pleasant day.

THE GIFT

How can I tell you what you've done for me?
You've given me a gift so great,
You've given me a friend I've come to love,
A friend on four legs with a long, flowing tail.
You've given me peace,
in a day full of emotional turmoil.
You've given me an out,
a place to run to, a friend to run with,
when life is too much.
You've given me a friend to run with, to take me,
to simple, quiet serenity.
You've given me a shoulder to cry on,
when no one is around.
You've sent me to a place where no one
understands me, because no one is there.
It's just me and my gift. Me and him.
There is no one else in the world
when we're together.
You've sent me to a place
where no one can touch me,
I am in my element, my territory.
I am where I am supposed to be.
Where the Aibishter wants my neshama to be.
How can I thank you for giving me this thing,
this wonderful thing?
How can I make you understand,
how grateful I am to you,
for this beautiful creature?
I can think of one way, to tell you this:
Just know that I am happy.
I'm happy!
I AM HAPPY!!!!!!
I hope that knowing this will bring you some peace of mind,
and the satisfaction that this amazing gift,
has lent me the wings to fly.

HIMMMMM

I can't believe I did it. I just can't believe it.
I knew what the answer would be and I still went for it.
Here are the juicy details you all are dying for:
Being my blunt, straight-to-the-point self, I went straight to the point.
I said I needed to know, not asking for anything, just need to know, if there is anything between us. I saw on his face the confirmation to what I already knew, so I added, I know what your answer is but I need to hear it from you. These past few months, since the beginning of school, the nights have been very hard and distracting, wondering if I had said or done something wrong, hoping I had done something right.
He said, I don't think there's anything, and it wouldn't make sense.
Knowing what he was referring to, I said I wasn't definite at all about next year. His answer didn't change so I confessed something I had been thinking about a lot recently: let's say I had a good connection, who could get me into vet school here, would I do it and give up on Findlay? No, I wouldn't. I owe it to myself to give Findlay, my dream, a chance.
He said he hoped his answer wouldn't chase me away to Ohio next year.

Then I said I really didn't want him to feel awkward around me, can't talk on the phone to me, because of all this. I went on to explain the situation with the Boston guy (who remained anonymous during this conversation), how he didn't want a relationship with me (although, it was the other way around in that case, he brought it up), but I still talk to him all the time, we're still good friends. (even though I usually call him. No, not stalking)

He said, definitely, we'll still be friends, no awkwardness. And I believe him. It won't be awkward for him. It will be for me, a bit.

We went our separate ways, and I felt a bit dazed inside but nothing extreme, no big emotions. I was surprised. I had expected this to really hurt and take weeks to get over.

I called Tsiona to tell her I did it, and then, only then, did the floodgates open.

My roommate was having some kind of problem with her boyfriend so she was also in a mood and didn't notice.

I called Ema, and the floodgates wouldn't close. I hung up with Ema and they still wouldn't.

But the healing process is going faster and better than I ever could have hoped. It's still a big adjustment, though.