I'm reading "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" and have discovered that I possess more Martian qualities than Venusian. Lo said the same thing about herself. 'I want a guy until he wants me, and then he loses his appeal.' I feel claustrophoebic when they get too close. After becoming aware of this pattern I decided trying to stick it out with the next guy I felt this with, and try and verbalise my feelings, something I've always been good at and that's helped me usually.
Because of my chronic fear of abandonment I have a strong desire for others to need me, to depend on me. I hate to play into Lo's theory, but maybe that's my attraction to animals. (I'M STILL NOT GOING TO GROW OUT OF IT!) While I want someone a bit older than me, so I can lean on him when I need to, I also want someone who needs my affection, or some part of me (other than my body), someone who wants to lean on me even if he doesn't need to.
I don't want to get married because I'm lacking in life. I want to get married because I want someone to share my successes with. Someone who wants to know. Someone who asks me about them. Not someone to complete me but someone to compliment me, who I am, and someone I can compliment. Together. I know marriage is not [supposed to be] the answer problems, something to fill the void with. I'm not looking for that.

Last year when I was debating what to do the coming year, and I made my decision, I called Lo and told her. She said something along the lines of, "Good, that was a good choice". Then she made an expensive overseas call to tell me, "No, I don't mean good. I mean, it's your choice, and I support the choice you made, I'm not going to judge it."
Then why, Lo, why, can't you accept that I love animals and want to work with them? Why does my passion have to be something you think I need to outgrow? Who gives a crap if it's not practical, which isn't so true? So what? It's a dream. I want it, and I can make it work, financially, no matter how long it takes. I'm in Israel? So what? It's what I want and I can find a way to make it work and make a profit. It's a question of how badly do I want it, not when will I outgrow it. Please accept that, and remember what you said to me a few months ago, and don't judge my decision. Just support it.