ה' יושיע ונאמר אמן

The day after a suicide bomber tried to blow up one of Israel's best hospitals, a truck that was on a route it wasn't meant to be on, got stuck on the train tracks going from Tel Aviv to Be'er Sheva. The train coming from Tel Aviv hit it head on. One car of the train couldn't be moved and MaD"A wasn't sure if there were people inside they couldn't get out.
Out of 95 (I think) injured, 16 went to Hadassa, one "ללא רוח חיים". There was a baby in critical condition, pregnant women injured.
13 came to Shaarei Tsedek. It's not even about my fascination for blood and gruesomeness. It was just shocking to see so many people injured. None were serious but a few needed stitches. I helped with one and then went to see where else I was needed.
The whole thing shook me up so badly. I went back to the ER this morning to see how everyone was doing. All but one, I think, went home. The whole thing scared me so badly, and the people I saw weren't even seriously hurt, and when I heard this one the news, the whole accident, I was shocked but it didn't really affect me until I went down to the ER to help.

Disturbing(?) Dreams

I keep having these very (very) intimate dreams about touching or hugging guys and feeling so unbelievably warm, and good, and happy. Two reliable sources say it what I strongly desire, but take a look at my next dream:
I had a really scary dream:
I was on a plane, and I was being taught how to have sex. I was nervous and upset cause I wasn't getting it right. I was me, but in a man's body, to put it...not crudely. A friend was sitting on my lap, jumping a bit, twisting, trying to get me to do my part. But I didn't want to, I couldn't do it. And I was upset.
AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Anyone remember Paris??? And now look what I'm dreaming!!!!

AHHH!!!!!!

Well, I don't have finals to get me crazy, thank G-d. No I just have myself to thank for that. I hate myself, I hate who I am, I hate what I'm not, what I'm trying to be but failing. And the worst part is that it manifests itself in anger towards others who just trigger this feeling in myself. With no regard to the triggerer (is that a word?).
AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!
Oh, and Mr. Kindness is so persistent! I feel terrible that he's just a really close friend to me when he obviously wants more, but knows it won't come and yet still persists!
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!

These Shirts Keep Getting Better

1. Why Be Normal?
2. No one can see/no one knows what's in my mind
3. Home is in My Head
4. Do I Look Like I Care?

How cool are those shirts?!