The Guy Upstairs
Tess, I have to agree with you. The Aibishter is great although lately I haven't been able to see it too clearly.
The miyun is packed with patients in rooms, in beds in the hallways; we're running out of hall space and beds and the families are getting so darn cranky! To people complained that I was giving the scalding breakfast out too slowly and that the nurse wasn't seeing to their family member/friend just then (these are people with two different patients). The nurses feel the pressure and seem to forget that us bnot sherut do as well. For example, we need to fill up each room with equipment and linen. One time when I had an evening shift, I filled up a corner comprised of six beds (cubicles divided by curtains) with all the necessary stuff. The next morning the exact same patients were still lying in those beds indicating that no new linen had been used. Much later in the day, after running from EKG to EKG, a nurse called over the noise of the throngs of people in the miyun just then, that all the cabinets in the corner were empty, and she was quite pissed off. I calmly called back that when I got a chance I would refill, to which she replied that what were the nurses suppose to do, run back and forth to and from the cupboards? It was then that I calmly lost it. I explained that it wasn't as if I was sitting doing nothing, I too had no time to breathe. When I got a chance, I repeated, I would refill. To which she replied, "Ayelet, watch your mouth." I was too stunned to answer back.
That's just one example. There are so many more, including ones where the other bnot sherut are so caught up looking out for themselves alone, and making sure their shifts don't conflict with their lives, they neglect to remember that someone is always paying. Someone feels it when things just aren't "noach bishvili".
For the last...two days I came back from my shifts crying. The two before that were close to tears and full of tiskul. (frustration) Friday I hit rock bottom and called a very good friend of mine (much older, don't worry guys), sobbing hysterically. He calmed me down and after hearing the whole story asked me to tell him the good points in my week. Here they are:
I made it to the kotel twice this week (three, as of mota"sh), met up with the cute, English guy. Went to the police station and played with the police horses after getting the mefaked's number to ask about volunteering with them (not happening), and a bunch of other things but those were the highlights despite the rest of the week.
At five am on shabbos morning I walked with Mr. and Mrs. Lasry and a Chilean (from Chile) guest of theirs to the kotel for neitz. Thanks to a lack of sufficient sleep the two previous nights, the experience was kind of wasted because I was fighting sleep most of the time. But I made it to the kotel three times in one week. I felt so close to the Aibishter. I was able to talk to Him.
I feel so much closer since I started saying Tikkun Klali. And today, unbelievably, I was able to say Perek Shira which I haven't been able to say since...April or May I think. Another incredible thing that happened today was that when I got back to Ramot after work, I made it for a mincha minyan at shule. Not only did I lehaspik mincha, but I was able to say it with a minyan. It hurts when the Aibishter makes things so hard for me as they are in the miyun. But I know it's necessary for my growth or for something in my life. Soon I will be able to look back on this period and see how it affected me.
One thing the Aibishter has given me to help ease the pain is this wonderful friend who helped me on Friday. He told me what I needed to hear. And guys, I'm sorry to say this, but he was the older brother I needed just then. He helped me so much. This a good kind of helplessness because how do you repay someone who does so much for you?
The miyun is packed with patients in rooms, in beds in the hallways; we're running out of hall space and beds and the families are getting so darn cranky! To people complained that I was giving the scalding breakfast out too slowly and that the nurse wasn't seeing to their family member/friend just then (these are people with two different patients). The nurses feel the pressure and seem to forget that us bnot sherut do as well. For example, we need to fill up each room with equipment and linen. One time when I had an evening shift, I filled up a corner comprised of six beds (cubicles divided by curtains) with all the necessary stuff. The next morning the exact same patients were still lying in those beds indicating that no new linen had been used. Much later in the day, after running from EKG to EKG, a nurse called over the noise of the throngs of people in the miyun just then, that all the cabinets in the corner were empty, and she was quite pissed off. I calmly called back that when I got a chance I would refill, to which she replied that what were the nurses suppose to do, run back and forth to and from the cupboards? It was then that I calmly lost it. I explained that it wasn't as if I was sitting doing nothing, I too had no time to breathe. When I got a chance, I repeated, I would refill. To which she replied, "Ayelet, watch your mouth." I was too stunned to answer back.
That's just one example. There are so many more, including ones where the other bnot sherut are so caught up looking out for themselves alone, and making sure their shifts don't conflict with their lives, they neglect to remember that someone is always paying. Someone feels it when things just aren't "noach bishvili".
For the last...two days I came back from my shifts crying. The two before that were close to tears and full of tiskul. (frustration) Friday I hit rock bottom and called a very good friend of mine (much older, don't worry guys), sobbing hysterically. He calmed me down and after hearing the whole story asked me to tell him the good points in my week. Here they are:
I made it to the kotel twice this week (three, as of mota"sh), met up with the cute, English guy. Went to the police station and played with the police horses after getting the mefaked's number to ask about volunteering with them (not happening), and a bunch of other things but those were the highlights despite the rest of the week.
At five am on shabbos morning I walked with Mr. and Mrs. Lasry and a Chilean (from Chile) guest of theirs to the kotel for neitz. Thanks to a lack of sufficient sleep the two previous nights, the experience was kind of wasted because I was fighting sleep most of the time. But I made it to the kotel three times in one week. I felt so close to the Aibishter. I was able to talk to Him.
I feel so much closer since I started saying Tikkun Klali. And today, unbelievably, I was able to say Perek Shira which I haven't been able to say since...April or May I think. Another incredible thing that happened today was that when I got back to Ramot after work, I made it for a mincha minyan at shule. Not only did I lehaspik mincha, but I was able to say it with a minyan. It hurts when the Aibishter makes things so hard for me as they are in the miyun. But I know it's necessary for my growth or for something in my life. Soon I will be able to look back on this period and see how it affected me.
One thing the Aibishter has given me to help ease the pain is this wonderful friend who helped me on Friday. He told me what I needed to hear. And guys, I'm sorry to say this, but he was the older brother I needed just then. He helped me so much. This a good kind of helplessness because how do you repay someone who does so much for you?
posted by AMUS1 | 6:23 PM
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