Why?
Why the hell do I need to suffer?
Why the hell do I need?
The tears are old and worn out.
Finished. Chalas, in Arabic. No more left.
I'm too tired, too sick of it all to cry more.
So why?
Why the pain? I've been through it.
I've grown from it.
I've hurt myself for the few minutes of "ecstasy" guys bring me.
And then the pain comes back.
Like an unwanted guest.
It won't leave. It knows its unwanted.
Yet the Aibishter planted in inside me to teach me something.
DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL DOES GOD WANT FROM ME?!
I can't take it anymore! It hurts too much!
In one of my favourite songs, by Anastacia, she sings, "I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired." That sounds about right.
WHY WHY WHY?
I HATE IT!
IT HURTS!
LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!
TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!
OH GOD, PLEASE!
TAKE IT AWAY, IT HURTS!!!
PLEASE...!!!!!!!!
Why the hell do I need?
The tears are old and worn out.
Finished. Chalas, in Arabic. No more left.
I'm too tired, too sick of it all to cry more.
So why?
Why the pain? I've been through it.
I've grown from it.
I've hurt myself for the few minutes of "ecstasy" guys bring me.
And then the pain comes back.
Like an unwanted guest.
It won't leave. It knows its unwanted.
Yet the Aibishter planted in inside me to teach me something.
DAMN IT! WHAT THE HELL DOES GOD WANT FROM ME?!
I can't take it anymore! It hurts too much!
In one of my favourite songs, by Anastacia, she sings, "I'm sick and tired of always being sick and tired." That sounds about right.
WHY WHY WHY?
I HATE IT!
IT HURTS!
LEAVE ME ALONE, PLEASE!
TAKE THE PAIN AWAY!
OH GOD, PLEASE!
TAKE IT AWAY, IT HURTS!!!
PLEASE...!!!!!!!!
posted by AMUS1 | 8:36 AM
4 Comments:
i wish i was with you. i know that if this was happening while you were still in america i wouldn't have picked up on it, but i wish ... what's wrong? why are you cursing? you never used to do that unless it was at me! what happened that you're doing it at god now?
come on, you have to stop this. start going out seriously. don't practice on mr. wrong to be ready for mr. right - just cut to the chase. if you have to stop working or not fulfill your horse dreams, it's worth the sacrifice. you'll never be happy without what you'd be sacrificing it for.
Batya, those are pretty depressing words. Too absolute in their negativity for me (how is that different from the most religious belief in the absolute good of everything, that there's always a way etc.? I would say it's more like the ebbing and flowing of the tide. the eternal recurrence of overwhelmings and respite. Perhaps in the everyday, you are right, there is no exit. But there's always the possibility of creating something different, of defiance. To become the dragon rather than attempting to slay the dragon...?
by the way, check out the response i wrote on my blog, what do you think?
ayelet, I cannot do long distance on my phone. sometimes it works, but most of the time it doesn't. write me! (I will be home soon, though, and will call you from there). I love you!
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