Excerpt (from my journal)
8/1/05
...Why am I so lonely?
Why do I have to be so hungry for attention from guys?
I hate the neediness in me!
And I'm aware of the actions I do and the consequences to them but I do them anyway.
because my heart is bleeding and my soul is crying.
It's like fingers, clawing at my heart and insides.
And before the blood has time to stream,
the fingers claw again.
And again...
...What will be left of my heart when all this is over?
A hard, cold slab of iron?
Or...a heart that with each beat resonates depth, experience, strength...
everything I want to be.
...Why am I so lonely?
Why do I have to be so hungry for attention from guys?
I hate the neediness in me!
And I'm aware of the actions I do and the consequences to them but I do them anyway.
because my heart is bleeding and my soul is crying.
It's like fingers, clawing at my heart and insides.
And before the blood has time to stream,
the fingers claw again.
And again...
...What will be left of my heart when all this is over?
A hard, cold slab of iron?
Or...a heart that with each beat resonates depth, experience, strength...
everything I want to be.
posted by AMUS1 | 11:41 AM
2 Comments:
it will be whatever you make it
be patient, little one. You are being made big by suffering. Don't hate yourself for going through what you need to in order to become you. Don't add self-hatred to the pain of being too sensitive for this world. Allow it space. It's ok to hurt. It's ok to be lonely. That doesn't mean it isn't infinitely hard and doesn't tax every drop of blood beyond endurance. But neediness is you. and loneliness is you. and burning desire is you. and you are beautiful for it.
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