Leave Me Alone! Oh, Wait, You all did.
I am so goddamn sick of hearing, "Colorado? What's in Colorado?"
"Equine Science? What's that?"
"Haha! Horses?"
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Why horses?"
"Why don't you go to Stern?"
"Why don't you go somewhere else?"
"I know the perfect place for you to go!"
Or, along the lines of, "Why are you doing what you want to do?"
"Why don't you do what I want you to do?"
"Why are you doing something so unJewish?"
"Why aren't you a normal bat yisrael?" "Why can't you be?"
Or in general, along the lines of,
"Why aren't you the perfect Bais Yaakov girl?"
"Why don't you go out with some of those close-minded black-hatters we want for you?"
Damn it everyone, let me be! I'm not talking to you guys, sibs, because you give me the impression that you just don't give a damn.
I'm talking to the Jewish world and Ungar relatives at large.
LEAVE THE HELL ALONE! I AM WHO I AM! WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION OF HOW I SHOULD BE???!!! ACCEPT ME, DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT YOUR CIRCLE OR WAY OF LIFE, LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME BE WHO I AM!
I can't say it enough. You guys, sibs, just don't give any notice at all, let alone negative, pathetic notice and cheap advice. אתם בכלל לא מתייחסים .
I don't know what's worse, being ignored or these comments that make me want to PUKE!
And then some of you wonder why I'm so hungry for male attention. These are a species of human beings that may not be so judgemental. True, they may take on your attitude and not pay any attention at all, but at least there is the smallest of chances I will get a good reaction to who I am.
Tsiona's friend Inbar was the first person who was genuinely happy and excited and interested that I was going to pursue WHAT I WANTED FOR MYSELF! She didn't raise an eyebrow, laugh, or criticise. She was genuinely happy for me. THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON TO DO SO! Sorry, I shouldn't use such language on the only supportive person of my choice. Fine, Papa is supportive too, but he's my father, and he knows it's his job to be supportive and he has come through like none of you have.
Inbar can relate like no one else. I think it was a huge shock for me the way she reacted.
"Equine Science? What's that?"
"Haha! Horses?"
"What are you going to do with it?"
"Why horses?"
"Why don't you go to Stern?"
"Why don't you go somewhere else?"
"I know the perfect place for you to go!"
Or, along the lines of, "Why are you doing what you want to do?"
"Why don't you do what I want you to do?"
"Why are you doing something so unJewish?"
"Why aren't you a normal bat yisrael?" "Why can't you be?"
Or in general, along the lines of,
"Why aren't you the perfect Bais Yaakov girl?"
"Why don't you go out with some of those close-minded black-hatters we want for you?"
Damn it everyone, let me be! I'm not talking to you guys, sibs, because you give me the impression that you just don't give a damn.
I'm talking to the Jewish world and Ungar relatives at large.
LEAVE THE HELL ALONE! I AM WHO I AM! WHO ASKED FOR YOUR OPINION OF HOW I SHOULD BE???!!! ACCEPT ME, DAMN IT! I DON'T WANT YOUR CIRCLE OR WAY OF LIFE, LEAVE ME ALONE! LET ME BE WHO I AM!
I can't say it enough. You guys, sibs, just don't give any notice at all, let alone negative, pathetic notice and cheap advice. אתם בכלל לא מתייחסים .
I don't know what's worse, being ignored or these comments that make me want to PUKE!
And then some of you wonder why I'm so hungry for male attention. These are a species of human beings that may not be so judgemental. True, they may take on your attitude and not pay any attention at all, but at least there is the smallest of chances I will get a good reaction to who I am.
Tsiona's friend Inbar was the first person who was genuinely happy and excited and interested that I was going to pursue WHAT I WANTED FOR MYSELF! She didn't raise an eyebrow, laugh, or criticise. She was genuinely happy for me. THE ONLY FUCKING PERSON TO DO SO! Sorry, I shouldn't use such language on the only supportive person of my choice. Fine, Papa is supportive too, but he's my father, and he knows it's his job to be supportive and he has come through like none of you have.
Inbar can relate like no one else. I think it was a huge shock for me the way she reacted.
posted by AMUS1 | 8:42 PM
14 Comments:
here's one thing i'll say, and many will disagree. your attitude is always one of blame and accusation. Loss and abandonment are real experiences that one has to deal with. perhaps the most real.(They are experiences that systems of thought and practise seek to elide by creating self-enclosed totalities). And I think that instead of the expectations that you bring to the table (however legitimately, you have good reason, noone's denying that) I would advise a period of distance and self exploration that occurs outside the hyper-closeness that we were brought up in, outside the family ties. Once you have explored yourself and your solitude, then it will be easier to relate to you because we wont feel the burden of emotional expectation. Does this make any sense. Does anyone have anything to say on the matter?
I really admire your courageous self-affirmation. By the way. I love hearing you explode like that. It's awesome. It shows a strength of character that is all too lacking these days.
no it doesn't make sense because i am alone this year, i am analysing and working through. I have no expectations anymore. In a way I was robbed of that. And you yourself are a blamer. You blame our parents, Judaism, the family. Or at least that's the impression you give off. I don't need to explore myself, we know each other so well, especially in lieu of this year.
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can i pipe in with the inevitably inappropriate comment while we're on the subject? thanks. question from the over-tired, youngest, naive sister - why do you two (ES & eli) keep such strong attachments to judaism when you're trying to reject it?
"Frances, leave zem alone, they are poo-poo heads!"
Yahoo, i'm not talking about a lack of support in my choice of career. i'm talking about being part of your life. When was I more than just your little sister? When do I really matter to you, mean something in your life? By feeling almost meaningless in your life, you haven't had a big part in mine. But it's been like that for so long. Not just recently, not just now that I'm letting all this out.
oh my gosh; i never thought something like this could happen. the dysfunctionality is actually tangible.
oh my gosh; i never thought something like this could happen. the dysfunctionality is actually tangible.
so ... now that we've settled the "you're an idiot!" "no, you're an idiot!" conflict, can we get this s--- out in the open?
ayelet, you're making claims against your siblings that they don't care about you.
you siblings seem to be at odds with this opinion, that they are not the only ones at fault here, if fault is to be blaimed at all.
and other random people (no offense, guys) seem to pop in as well in your favor.
NOW CAN WE PLEASE DEAL WITH THESE ISSUES BEFORE THE HOLY HOLIDAY OF PASSOVER WHEN WE WILL HAVE TWENTY SOME-ODD PEOPLE SLEEPING IN THE HOUSE AND NOT A MOMENT TO OURSELVES??!!!
nv - say that one more time
lvs - sounds great to me
"starbucks sounds great" thus spake the dark lord
the dark lord arrives and surveys the turmoil he has created. Swiping his cape over his shoulder (the way Beast did it in Beauty and the Beast) and descends calmly into the madness.
as the madness of the dark lord escalated each day, he could no longer contain himself. shouts of genetics and sex-linked traits started resounding off the walls! run! no one is safe any longer! save yourselves while you still can!
yeah, starbucks sounds good. i always wonder what to say if a guy should ask me out for coffee, when I hate drinking coffee?
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